PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Randomize