god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
