I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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