hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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