watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
what day is it and did you see me today?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
