This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think a kid would responsible me up
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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