Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
