that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
