I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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