We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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