I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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