Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
