Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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