went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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