I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
sarcasm needs its own font
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
