people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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