I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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