Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize