But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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