Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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