Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
