is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
