Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize