If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
