Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
