It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
