How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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