I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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