just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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