he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
