saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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