i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize