Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
