fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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