I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
