Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
