i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
