On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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