I will die if light touches me.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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