my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
