I got chris browned last night
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize