dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
