More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
