The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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