I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
