I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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