well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
