oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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