spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
