i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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