Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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