You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
