easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You may now shotgun with the bride
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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