mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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