Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
