Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
