Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
