thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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