i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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