Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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