dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
