i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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