6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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