I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
